Me : A handicap

Hm, am i consider one? Not self-pitying of cos, but trying to come to reality (if i am one).

Many, really too many, dont know that i am a handicap person. My besties wont agree with me at all, but well, depends on how you see it. :)

I am born with a slight deformity whereby my left knee cap doesnt look normal. In fact, it looks a bit deform. :) and i walk with a limp, becos i didnt have a pair of balance legs. My left leg is 1 - 1.5cm shorter then my right one. :)

I also don’t have strength on my deform leg. This is why i walk with a limp. J

My mum noticed my limping when i was 11 and decided to send me for operation at a young age of 12. So, i have went thru an impt op and i thought it was kinda fun! Hee... well at such an age, you wont really know much abt danger of an op anyway. :)

Since then, i have a (i think) 12cm long scar (look like a centipede!) on my left knee cap. And its becos of this, since the age of 12, i already know how it feels to be REALLY looked at by passer-by and strangers. It sure didnt feel good. :(

Since then, i didnt want to wear anything that is above my knee cap. Definitely not shorts or short dresses. NOW, you know why i dont wear short dress and shorts and mini skirts le bah. Definitely a NO-NO unless there is leggings. :)

Some said that i shld have more confidence, while some said that i shld just show it normally. Thanks for all the advice and encouragements, but not many have gone thru my kind of feelings and thus i think not many can really talk me out of THIS. :) Not blaming anyone, not in self-pity, its just that i arent comfy to show it. Hmmm, i think it has also become like a habit, that is so so in me liaoz...

When i was 15, i innocently showed it to my bf (then), thinking that since he loves me, love will cover all fears. Well, he broke up with me the very next day. And its the lamest reason i can ever hear in my life. *GRIN*

I dont tell a lot of ppl, and i am definitely VERY secretive & quiet on this area. I dont like ppl to ask becos i dont want ppl to know. BUT....

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i have decided to tell you becos i am prepared to let ppl know now. Well, after-all, it is suppose to be normal right? :P

This is also the reason why:

- i dont swim (there is NO strength on my left leg)
- i dont do much sports
- i dont run (i mean really run)
- i walk with a limp at times and i am not aware of it.
- i dont wear high heel shoes often
- i must sit down wherever i go, becos i am relying only on 1 leg's strength. (am i handicap or wat?? hahaha)
- i can NOT take stairs - becos since i only have the strength of a single leg, you believe it or not, i cant go down stairs like normal ppl do becos this requires strength of 2 legs and i dont have.




The Bible says that God created man in His image and we are the apple of His eyes. I know there must be reason why i am born with this. I dont hate it, i dont hate God (in fact, have never), i dont blame ppl (not even my parents). In fact, i am very thankful to God that i still have the strength of my right leg (thats y when we have sport outings with Pst and zone, i go.)

This has indeed reminded me that i am to always lean on God and not my own strength.

Amen. :)

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