I woke up thinking abt her....

Once again, another post dedicated to her. The last one was last year i think.
Yesterday went to visit Angeline and her baby gal and her mum was there too. Auntie specially fly down from China to take care of her and Fayth. She was very concern abt Angeline. Was always busy making sure her daugther has enuff rest, eat and drink well, is comfy and not in pain.

When i saw that, i was very touched by her mum's every action. A little envy i must say... haha. Becos this will only come from the mother herself and no one else... not even the mother in law or at times, the hubby. Ops. haha..

Actually, in the beginning of my pregnancy, i yearn for such care and concern and guidance but, i know that i will never get. That no matter how caring and concern others are to me, it will never be the same as your own mother's love. In fact, in the beginning, i was very lost, i didnt know what to eat, what not to take, wat to avoid, etc... None to guide, not even my father.

During that time, i missed her terrribly. Altho heard that PIL kept asking if i was doing fine then, but it was still very different.

Throut the preggy journey, i will miss her here and there... hoping that she can be here to guide me and care abt me... some times, i cant sleep, cos i was thinking abt her... some time i will wake up, and think of those times where she buy bf for me, nag at me, wash clothes for me, etc...

Even if i share this with ppl, they will only listen and not really understand how i feel, not even MK, let alone frens.

During my ML, many times i wanted to go down to her tablet in Bedok Temple and let know her that i am going to deliver soon and that if she is still alive,she will become a grandmother soon too.... but i do not believe in talking to the dead. I can only hold her deep down in my heart and memories. Sometimes i really wanna tell her many many things, but i know i cant do it.

I wanna tell her all the good and bad things that i was going thru as a preggy woman. The morning sickness, the cramps, the pains here and there, and many many more... Cos i know she will understand. i know tt she will guide me and advice me to do this and not to do that if she is still alive.

I know that there is always a reason for things to happen to ppl. There is surely a reason why she left us that early. If she is still here, she will be 60 next yr..Wow...

Even as i am going to deliver anytime, i will very often think of her and how i wish that she can be there with me, to experience the joy of becoming a grandmother.

I felt this way too on my wedding day.

So... i woke up today, thinking of her, and i miss her.

Wo hen xiang nian ni leh mummy...