STUCK.

Is there anyone that I can talk to? Have been feeling down recently. Many things happened and I feel that I dont have the free luxury to rest and really relax. From Michela's incident to work stress....

Even when i talk to him about it.. Becos of the many many restrictions and financial obligations caused by me many years ago, I can't go as and when i want.

BUT, i feel really stuck. Last Fri, Big Boss talked about being miserable at work. This word strucked me hard. Miserable? Yes, miserable is THE word to use. I go to work everyday, feeling miserable. At times trying to find excuses or reasons for myself that i shld just just quit... "I cant click with the boss." "I feel lousy working for her." "Oh, she is often so rude." "Different style of working." "Maybe she 'blacklist' me alrdy." ETC...................

But i cant go as and when i want... What would others say? How will Vic and Pst see me? What abt my MIL? My brother?

OR, maybe i shld just ignore how others see me and do what i want?

If i cont working, its not a prb to fulfil our financial obligations, but what shld i do?? Chances are i will not be able to get the same pay (at least) as what i am getting now... Or maybe i 'tong' for another 6 mths (to make it a yr) before i decide to stay or go? BUT, i am worried that i cant survive these 6 mths!

Cc said i am negative... Am i? Maybe i am...

But many times i really dunno what she wants. And becos of her pressing and D personality, i got intimidated and stressed up. I realised that if there is no stress on me, i tend to think better and as a result, perform.

However the situation now is different.. She is putting a lot of stress on me! Her tone, her way of working, her demands, her pace, her 'gan jiong-ness'... sigh...She made me feel really really LOUSY.

I feel really stuck.

God, we often say that we wanna shine for you in the marketplace... but i feel sooooooo lousy about myself. I finally know that my capability level is so LOW. God, pls, HELP me. Turn things ard to be in favour of me, i pray. Intervene and give me lotsa strength to go thru this meanwhile, In Jesus' name i pray.. Amen.

So, is there anyone that i can talk to?

World's Strongest Dad!

Teared each time i watched this...

The love of a father...WOW....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLUPiAs20i4

Enjoy!

I didnt realise that...

- i have been doing things that i didnt think i would do in the past.

- even when i go shopping nowadays, i would very often buy things for Michela more than myself.

- i would talk more on baby stuffs, baby development, etc than fashion and make up.

- even when frens still call me "Hot Mama", i am still a little auntie on the inside. Maybe outside is just a cover up!

- i would make sure Michela is fully covered up from head to toe so that she wont catch a cold in the middle of the nite, as well as nicely tug in her cot bed, before i end up in mine.

- i would miss Michela more than my LV and Chanel.

- i would tear whenever i see a breakthru in Michela's development (be it motor, visual, verbal, etc).

- even when there is only a minor scratch on Michela's hands or legs, my heart would feel the pain.

- i am stronger physically now. (all thanks to her wanting us to always carry her! haha...)

- i dont mind clearing her poo or letting her pee on my hands while cleaning her up, or even have her saliva all over my hands and clothes.

- i would want to rush home after work to spend time with Michela before she sleeps for the day.

- i actually had thoughts of giving up my dreams for my family, but not likely.


So,


I didnt realise that these are what a mother's love would be.


God, i thank You for giving me Baby Michela. She is truly beautifully created in Your image.

Sad-ded.

(My last post was..... early June. More than a mth since that update.)

Tdy was supposedly to be a pretty busy day for me at work. Just started a new job and am doing Learning & Development in ST Electronics. So far so good.

Thn came lunch, and some topics were brought up for lunctime discussion and also, "criticism".

The question came after i said grace.

"Which church are you from?"

Somehow, i have a feeling that comments are going to fly ard at the makan table after my answer.

"City Harvest"

True enuff, they just shoot. And they didnt really mentioned abt the recent happenings(news), but more of their feelings and experiences.

There and then i really had a taste of 一只竹打翻整艘船. As much as i can understand their feelings and where they come from, but i honestly feel that those comments made were unfair and obviously bias.

Of cos i defended, explain and tried to clarify those misunderstandingssss, but i also kinda stop towards the later part of the conversation. I rather prove and show to them slowly, than keep trying to defend, and defend and even argue. What's the point then? What will i be trying to prove?? It will just make things worst.

But not defending to every point, doesnt mean that i am scared. I am NOT. I just wanna be wise. Just like "Meekness is not weakness."

And so, i decided to just practise empathy listening.

Of cos we didnt end up turning tables and exchange blows. *phew* :)

But i am just sadded by the fact that human beings can just come to a conclusion this immaturely.

Just like how we 'bad-mouth' abt this restaurant and that service provider, etc after we had a bad encounter with them. Its the same...

Someone said this before "Do not trust all newspapers. They only present very minimal % of truth and facts inside. BUT City News is different ah!" We just laughed! But i think this is true! City News gives whats TRUE, but not the rest of the newspapers.

What you read may NOT be the truth, people.

Wise up.