why am i so hurt?

Why am i so hurt? Why do i feel so sad? Why is my heart so painful?

I have spoken to him, i have prayed for/with him, i have encouraged him, i want to listen to him,

BUT...

he doesnt want to tell me, he refused to answer my sms, he refused to really talk to me, he refused to tell me anything.

I can only guess, but will my guessing go anywhere?

He didnt even say 'Bye' that day.

I see him saved, disciple him, rise him up, but why?

Just cos of failures? cos of valleys in life? cos of disappointments? of cos of ego and pride?

i almost cried when i tot he is 'leaving'.

i cant imgaine if he ever 'leaves'....

Sigh, really HURTS me to see him like this. So painful.. so so painful.

.........

not satisfied (pt 2)

I learnt that its NEVER really abt the skills, its never really abt the appearance, neither is it abt how you dress.

Its abt the time you spent with Him, those time you gone thru a rough patch but still you hang on there, knowing that your King will come to save you.

Its abt those nights when you were far too discouraged to go anywhere, except seeking Him, and He leads you to higher grounds, to your destiny.

I learnt that its never abt the surface in the KOG, its abt flow, abt His presence. I need to be more C, more D. :I

I dont want to depend on my own ability becos its never going to go anywhere in His kingdom.

I want to depend on HS, always depending on Him. Alongside with Him. :)

Adult Camp (some pics)

not satisfied...

Yes, i am not satisfied with where i am at all. I could have done more. I should have done more. I need to do MORE.

I am afraid of losing it. I dont wanna take it for granted. I wanna work for it.

But i feel that i am losing it somehow.

I asked him that question : Will we know if we lose it??

I am scared and i worried that one day, He will take it away from me.

God, pls dont.